"which way should i go?" - alice
"that depends on where you are going" - cat
"i don't know where i'm going" - alice
"then it doesnt matter which way you go" - cat
(from DT's aim profile; yes, i read them all instead of working. don't lie: you do too)
i have a confession.
i don't really like my new job. i mean, it's fine, but...
i forgot how frustrating the non-profit world can be. in my first job, my boss' bark was the final decision, no negotiation. ah, the joys of for-profit businesses. (more stories from "the devil wears shirts that show his belly" to come later.)
in my new job, i'm cursed with the plague of bureaucracy.
an example: a consulting firm suggested that we drop the word "foundation" from our name. indeed, we aren't a foundation: we don't give money, we beg for it. the staff agreed to the name change, and the "communications committee" voted and approved it as well. only after finding a designer who would change our logo to reflect the change, i learned that the name change wasn't actually official yet: it still had to be approved by the co-chairs, the executive committee, the field staff, the general board, a couple circus clowns, and a chimpanzee in a tu-tu.
the whole thing makes me want to quit. how can i do a communications job when no one can make a decision? what happened to the days of sitting at starbucks drinking mocha-lattes and writing my book/flirting with the manager?
when i left my first job out of college, i figured that i would do something "interesting" to fill the time until i got to grad school. but here's my new problem:
your first job out of college doesn't matter. really, it doesn't. but it turns out that your second job begins to matter. fuck. i have no better idea of what i want to do with the rest of my life (or even next) and now what i'm doing actually counts?
how the hell am i supposed to figure out what i want to do? how am i supposed to figure out what will "make me happy?"
"trial and error," say my parents. well i hated my first job: communications. scratch that. that leaves only 1,634, 942 other possibilities. i nearly failed calculus and physics-for-non-physics-majors-and-other-morons in college: 1,634,940 left. no offense, but i don't have enough patience or enough time to do this my process of elimination.
and the thought of trying all those possibilities is so daunting that despite the fact that i didn't enjoy communications/media the first time around, i'm doing it in my second job too. nothing like becoming an expert in something you don't like -- way to go debbie.
my (our) generation is supposed to be tomorrow's leaders, but of all my friends, only a small handful has any direction or indication as to what that means. the rest of us are lost. we're confused. we're stuck. we have no fucking clue what we're doing. don't get me wrong: we're incredibly smart, talented and eager to do well and to do good. but in this world of prearranged expectations, the vast majority of us have no idea how to get from being a young 20-something to being 46 with 2.5 kids, a golden retriever that doesnt shed, a happy marriage, a 6-figure job while serving as president of our kids' PTA. or maybe that's just me. but if i had to guess, it's probably not.
DEION: I'm sure I'm gonna end up working in law firm on Brickell married to some jewish girl down here who buys expensive clothes and makes me buy her a lexus SUV while she plays majong
DEION: while I end up playing poker every tuesday night with Lax, Cheeks, Allan and whoever else is down here
hug it out, deion. hug it out.
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
how 'bout them APPLESEEDs?
Posted by: DBR @ 10:15 AM
If Deion is working at Brickell...then at least I'd have someone to do lunch with. Great blog alotta twatta ~ cheeks
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