well maybe that's not completely true, but everyone thinks they know what schools are "looking for" -- and yet everyone says something completely different.

"you have to talk about law school."
"writing about law school is a mistake. write about anything personal and meaningful; they just want to see who you are as a person."
"write about something that defines you -- like your all your jewish involvement crap."
"under absolutely no circumstance should you talk about jewish stuff in your personal statement. you never know who's reading your application -- don't underestimate anti-semitism."
"business schools aren't looking for do-gooders."
"beef up your non-profit experience. business schools will love it; it'll make you unique."

and my personal favorite:
"pursuing a dual law and business degree is the best move of your life."

"doing a jd/mba is the second biggest mistake of your life.”

the thing about law school and business school applications is that they're asking me to be much more self-reflective than i'm comfortable with. so, in a time of emergency, mass confusion, hysteria, and desperation, i did what debbie does best: i starting making a list.

here's what i've learned so far:

i'm dynamic. i'm an academic. i'm a leader. i'm an overachiever. i like abnormal psychology. i like business management. i like organizational behavior. i like legal issues. i like money. i like the non-profit world. i like solving social justice issues. i like jewish organizations. i like to teach. i like to be creative. i like to write. i like to ask a lot of questions. i like to be in control. i like blow jobs too.

it's not that i'm inconsistent; it's just that i have a lot of ... layers. but i have no idea how to tell schools that i have a lot of interests and didn't come out of the womb knowing what i want to do for the rest of my life and thus have only done things that involve law/business since i was 2.

i've wanted to be a judge. i've wanted to be a doctor. i've wanted to be a teacher. i've wanted to be a CEO. i've want to be a database designer. i've wanted to be secretary of state. i've wanted to be a journalist. i've wanted to be the mayor of pinecrest (i still do). i've wanted to be a psychology professor. i've wanted to be the next dr. ruth. i've never really wanted to be a nuclear physicist or prostitute, much to the relief of my parents.

i think my flexibility and adaptability is what makes me interesting and capable of being successful at more than one thing "for the rest of my life." damnit, all i want is the education and lots of letters after my name:

The Honorable Dr. debbie rosenschmutzsteinberg, j.d./m.b.a./m.p.a./m.p.p/m.d./ph.d/g.c.

(has a nice ring to it, no?)

i've got direction -- i know i have to keep moving forward. i just don't know which way forward is.