metro center at 5:15pm on a weekday is what i imagine it's like to be a pigeon. someone throws a slice or chunk of bread into a group of birds who find it necessary to tackle, peck, and fight to their deaths to get a bite. except that for the pigeons, getting to the target is a matter of life or death. for the people waiting on the metro (who will also tackle, peck, and fight to their deaths to board a train), it's only a ride home.
anyway. it was 5:15 one evening last week, and i was trying to get to dupont to teach lsat class. once i could finally board a very full train about 17 other people insisted on squeezing in too. when it was clear that the train could hold no more, a guy, THAT GUY, insisted on squeezing in when there as clearly not enough room for the latter half of his body.
metro pet peeve #1: people who insist on squeezing through closing doors when a) there is clearly not enough room to accommodate another body or b) the doors are halfway closed and someone uses his body to pry open the doors, forcing the metro driver to announce, "please stand clear of the f**king doors."
only after three attempts was the metro driver finally able to get the doors closed and pull away. in order to accommodate THAT GUY, i was stood on one leg with my workbag on my head like a water jug. so i'm standing there, when something distracts my attention from my hypochondria-induced-claustrophobic-hyperventilation. THAT GUY's pelvis was firmly pushing against my ass. thinking i was overreacting, i shuffled a bit to the right, hoping to at least misalign the "tension" between us. his pelvis alignment followed mine, and no matter where i was able to shuffle, i was made quite aware of how excited he was to finally be heading home. i scrambled off the train at the next stop and noticed that he also got off (so to speak). fortunately, i weaved through the crowd, a talent i learned growing up in miami, and lost him.
i have been thinking lately about really annoying things that people do on the metro, including, but not limited to accidental (or intentional) touching of other people' body parts.
metro pet peeve #2: having to stand under someone's armpit who chooses to hold onto the railings attached to the ceiling of the car instead of something more laterally available.
metro pet peeve #3: should you be fortunately enough to get a seat, the person who hovers over you just enough to qualify as an invasion of personal space. if you want that air space so badly, you can sit there.
metro pet peeve #4: the people who stand in front of the turnstiles rummaging through their pockets for their metro pass or smartcard. find it before you get there; i'm in a hurry and you're in my way.
metro pet peeve #5: the person who reads in lieu of holding on (good recommendation by a.stice). it's really not okay to sway freely with the motion of the metro.
last thursday, i boarded a very full train and reached for my ipod to make the ride pass more quickly. an older gentleman, watching me struggle to find the musical diversion somewhere at the bottom of my bag, chuckled as i pulled it out. "an ipod sock?" he asked rhetorically. "i didn't know they needed to be kept warm!" he laughed heartedly, pleased with his own joke.
"i couldn't afford a case," i began, hoping to make him feel stupid. "so it's good way to keep my ipod protected," i rebutted matter-of-factly.
"but you still paid for the novelty sock," he replied with a big grin. i put in the earphones, gave him a dirty look, and moved to another train at the next stop.
the metro is a wondrous place for those of us who grew up without public transportation. while one should never judge a book by its cover, i must admit that the metro is a great place to judge other people by the covers of their books. it's also apparently a good place to touch your first breast.
Monday, August 01, 2005
metro-sexual
Posted by: DBR @ 2:15 PM
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