much has already been written about how humans show affection. there's the obvious gestures: kissing, smiles, hugging, touching, third base, etc. but what has struck me is how interactions and signs of affection differ between cultures and gender.

growing up in miami, the influence of hispanic culture has made it customary to greet someone with a mutual kiss on the cheek, whether meeting for first time or greeting a long lost friend. latinos are also an extremely tactile bunch: touching the other person on the shoulder, arm, hip ... or butt is a gesture of casual conversation. the gestures aren't signs of romantic affection; they're just meant to say, "hombre, you listening to me?"

the fact that these gestures are not indicative of romantic feelings apparently ends when you leave miami and was a culture shock for me when i hit the midwest for college. in st. louis, i learned that the caucasian social norm for meeting someone is a phenomenon that folklore history says was the easiest and most recognizable way to show someone that the other person wasn't holding a weapon. nope, not the "let me grab your genitals" check.

the handshake.

but no need to split hairs about wording.

freshman year of college, it took me quite some time to break the kiss-and-greet ways of my upbringing. i returned home the following summer, regressing back into the corrupt kiss-and-greet. the following fall semester is when the culture discrepancy became most apparent to me. buying books for my sophomore classes, i ran into a guy from my freshman english composition class. he waved and came over to say hello. i greeted him with a kiss on the cheek and asked how his summer was. end of scene.

i thought nothing of the brief interaction, until he called the next day. and the next. i was ... washing my hair... so my roommate took a message, and i naturally never returned the phone call. ben called nearly every day until my roommate answered the phone with: she has a boyfriend.

he never called back.

i never meant to lead him on. (that just happens naturally.) but i am extremely cognizant of the habit to this day: the kiss-and-greet isn't understood as platonic by the vast majority of america -- for the rest of this country, cheek kissing means "i want to get in your pants." in miami, it only means that when you slip the other person some tongue.

so i've been thinking about this phenomenon a lot recently, when it occurred to me last night while watching hbo that affection isn't just a consequence of culture; it's also a result of gender. almost as vast as the terms "you're fired" or "show me the money," entourage, hbo's new "sex and the city," has coined a new phrase.

"hug it out."

mark my word: "hug it out" will become, if it hasn't already, one of the taglines of the twenty-something generation for the next few years.

except that "hug it out" is far more applicable than any of its other predecessors. used to express happiness, anger, gratitude, frustration, salutations or farewells depending on situation and tone, "hug it out" is all encompassing.

efficiency, friends. a hallmark of twenty-somethings.

except here's my gripe: "hug it out" doesn't really work between females. it's a male reconciliation affection thing. when girls argue, they yell at each other, pull hair, hold grudges, and ultimately want to talk about it (and in an occasional fantasy, continue with a pillow fight or jello). guys on the other hand, grunt, sweep it under the rug, and slap each others' backs.

guys know how to "hug it out." girls want to "talk it out." blech.

so the "man hug" is a compromise between the i-like-you-more-than-just-shaking-your-hand and the cultural disapproval for males to show affection towards one another. but the one thing that guys do have and girls don't, besides the obvious, is the handshake.

fortunately for me, being social raised by a pack of wolves ... i mean guys ... they took it upon themselves to teach me how to shake someone's hand appropriately. none of that limp, sweaty, lack of confidence handshake that you get from most girls.

grab the hand firmly. shake with conviction. never squeeze harder than your recipient, but always give him/her the aura of assurance. close in on the elbow with the left hand if appropriate.

this gripping has proved valuable in many facets of my social life.

too bad no one has yet coined the term "shake it out" for girls. it would make the non-hispanic meet-and-greet so much less awkward.

... some of their boyfriends might benefit too.