monday is a crappy way to spend 1/7th of your life.

i once read somewhere that there's actually a scientific explanation behind monday morning blues. our internal clocks naturally operate on a day that is longer than 24 hours. by the time monday rolls around each week, we've built up a sleep deficit of at least an hour.

and if you require as much sleep as i do, you're screwed.

eric, my boyfriend, and i play a game where we rank the days and have to defend our choices when we disagree (can you say law school bound?). we continue to disagree over whether fridays or saturdays are better (he says fridays; i say saturdays), but no matter if you're a student or a professional, a high school teenager or an adult, twentysomething or thirtysomething, it comes down to one thing: mondays suck.

... and i don't mean suck in a good way.

you know that awesome feeling you get when you leave work or your last class on friday afternoon? you know katie holme's breasts (isn't that from a movie or something?)? monday morning is the complete antithesis. in fact, i spend all day sunday dreading monday so much that monday essentially spans into two days instead of one.

at least sunday has desperate housewives and iron chef america.

i spent my entire weekend staring at the computer screen writing essays and filling in grad school applications. want to know a time when my morals were challenged and how i responded? or why harvard, michigan, columbia, u chicago are all my "first choice?" i pounded on my keyboard so much this weekend that they keys are now sticking. wait a minute ...

all i wanted was to go out. to see friends. to grab a drink. to be young. to not worry about the fact that i feel like every word i type hammers a nail into my future. to do anything except stare at a computer screen, because frankly, that's all i do from monday to friday – and i don't enjoy it even when i'm being paid to do it. when i graduated from college, the idea that someone, anyone, was going to pay me to breathe from 9am-5/6pm was a miracle. now i realize i should have been more specific.

i hate getting up the morning.

i hate coming home and being in a bad mood all night.

i hate the weekends because it means that monday morning str just around the corner.

i left college for this?

i spent a lot of time thinking about this over the weekend. want to know the hardest thing about being twenty-something?

it's about attaining an impossible balance.

as a twenty-something, i'm lost between being an adolescent and an adult. i'm lost between college and graduate school. i'm lost between wanting to be young and knowing how important it is to appear like an adult. i'm lost between professions and grad degrees. i'm lost between wanting life to be religiously meaningful and not wanting to think about anything that maybe doesn't even exist. i'm lost between hook ups and marriage. i'm lost between work and play. i'm lost between mondays and fridays.

all in all, i'm lost. and confused. and frustrated.

how does one find meaning in any of this? who has the time?

and really, if i have to figure that out, then why do i also have to spend 14.29% of my life dreading mondays and 14.29% of my life living through them?