i've learned that when i "profile" a single person in lieu of something completely and totally embarrassing that's happened to me, my blog reviews are not as stellar. therefore, i can't help but reach the conclusion that many of you loyal readers are actually voyeurists who get a kick out of my misery. hot.

but today there must be an exception.

this past weekend, my little brother turned 20. had i been a more diligent blogger, i would have already written this. alas, it turns out that i am now slacking at work, at blogging, and at religion. between my boss, the readers, and g-d, someone is bound to be pissed at me.

anyway.

i wish i could say that this blog highlights my brother's faults and profoundly embarrasses him. the truth is that he is really a cool kid. he's deep and thoughtful so it's hard to capture him appropriately.

but that's never stopped me before.

although my lil' bro has been a reader of my rants since this blog's inception, his 20th birthday means that he's official. it also means that for the first time in 15 years, my parents do not have to deal with a teenager. i suppose that's an accomplishment and a relief for the majority of parental units, but here's how i see it: my parents now have to deal with 3 twenty-somethings, all at different phases of their twenties, but 3 twenty-somethings nonetheless. and given my struggles and my sister's rebelliousness, the next decade will probably be filled with bitching, arguing, excessive expenses, tattoos, overtly sexual comments and drinking. so really, they might as well still have 3 teenagers.

josh has undergone quite the transformation in his 20 years. he is notoriously impatient. when he wants something, it can't wait. for instance, he decided he wanted a salt-water fish tank. he had a 10 gallon one within a day. he had a 125 gallon one within a month. it's just the way he is. (come to think of it, it's kind of the way i am too. genetics are a funny thing.)

but josh made that facet of his personality clear when he was born two months premature, which proceeded to collapse his lungs upon his second breath. now, if we say we're going to leave for grandma's at 4pm, he's dressed and ready to go at 3:45pm – usually at that point, they rest of us are just getting into a shower.

being on time = not my thing.
getting mad at me for being late = his thing.

josh has also surpassed me as the "smart child" (see previous blog), which is a contentious issue in the family. okay, apparently it's only an issue because i keep talking about it. josh doesn't want the title, but just because i want it means that i can never have it. that's just the way it works.

my brother is also a loner. he's always had hobbies, but never hobbies like football or baseball. his hobbies have included kayaking (which he practiced in our pool), rock climbing (which he quickly learned he couldn't do alone), model airplane flying (he owned 2 or 3 four foot planes), scuba diving (he's deep-water certified, but hasn't gone more than a handful of times), mountain bmx biking (he had the entire outfit and helmet to show; blackmail pictures available upon request), model rocket building and launching (i guess that was when he was younger), guitar (classical and flamenco), sailing (catamarans), and fish tanks (salt water). he once tried to play lacrosse for his middle school team, but that was short lived when he realized it involved other people.

he has an unparalleled ability to convince my parents that his newest hobby is "the real thing." as such, in his short 20 years, he has acquired: 3 fish tanks, 2 or 3 model airplanes, a kayak, a bmx bike, his own sailboat, an electric guitar and 2 classical ones, a lacrosse stick or two, and his own belay and chalk bag. just as a general reference, jewish kids don’t really do most of those things.

for josh, hobbies aren't as much about enjoying the experience as it is about mastering it. he loves the chase. it's the way most guys describe the pursuit of women (or my sister describes dating), except josh is chasing inanimate objects. as for dating, he takes after his older sisters: he's a serial monogamist.

when my sister and i admitted to each other in the early 90s about our secret love to watch cooking shows (bfn -- before the food network was mainstream and cool), my little brother did too. and so for us, food isn't about nourishment; food equals family time. and always overeating. that's a rosenbaum thing.

we have already decided that when josh hits his mid-life crisis, all of us will quit our jobs to open a restaurant. josh is going to design the menu, i'm going to run the business aspect, and my sister will … flirt with the customers.

which means we only have about 30 years to get ourselves educated, find a spouse, establish ourselves professionally, save enough money, and maybe have some offspring in between.

better get cracking, josh. i'm bound to screw up, so you better be "smart child" enough for the two of us.

you're my favorite brother. happy belated birthday, kiddo.