i always thought that maturing meant that you get more organized and more productive as you get older.

as far as i can tell, it appears that by the time most people finish college and/or grad school, organization and productivity have already peeked. and libidos.

seems to me that the rest of our lives is all downhill.

i've always been anal-retentive; it's either a gift or a curse and probably both. but it's just part of who i am. i remember having strep throat in 7th grade and insisting on going to school because i had tests in biology and social studies the following day … and then being too sick the next day to even go take the tests. and coming down with scarlet fever at my bat mitzvah party the weekend before midterms and insisting on taking them all on time.

i wish someone had told me back then that getting a's when you're 13 doesn't count for anything. gabe told me the same thing about my college grades, but i'm still unconvinced. because when you're anal-retentive, things like that count for everything.

yet, as a professional, i have never, ever, been this disorganized and unproductive in my life.

you need a memo in two weeks? are you kidding? in college, i would have had it back to you the next day; same day if you asked nicely or offered sexual favor. i'm so lazy now that it takes me a couple of days to turn something like that around, probably because i spend the first 2-3 hours in the office everyday looking at stories about brittney's baby and writing a blog. plus, i have to have my grande-nonfat-vanilla-bone-dry-cappachino around 10:30 am. which makes time management hard to do because it's not like i get a syllabus at the beginning of each semester that outlines my work and deadlines for the next 5 months. you see, at work, you just have to … guess ... what you're supposed to do.

and it turns out that i'm not as good at guessing as i am at doing the things that i know i have to do.

::sniff::

i … don’t … have … esp.

::sniffle::

i just can't seem to color-code my life at work and cannot function without it.

::sob::

it is emotionally draining to be a perfectionist. well, i guess it was emotionally draining because i’m not a perfectionist in my job or my grad school applications anymore. and really, that’s all i do these days. well … work, apply, blog and watch season 1 of lost.

and even if i go to law school i can’t be admitted to the federal law bar.

because this former perfectionist is now not only … average … but i’m also a felon.

yesterday, eric and i got citations from the district of columbia.

... for littering.

(i swear i'm not kidding.)

we each received a $75 ticket, a court date, a photo of some trash bags, and copies of discarded mail addressed to each of us. so let me get this straight: i live in a posh area where there have been multiple assaults in the last 2 months and the police are spending their time going through trash bags and writing tickets to two jewish kids who live less than 20 feet from a trash chute?

i’ve decided to consult the harvard lawyers i work with for advice.

eric, however, has decided to take this on his first case … pro bono.

so we’re taking pictures of our trash can, our trash chute, our dumpster, posting notices on every floor of our apartment building, doing an apartment investigation, and attempting to coalesce other neighborly “litterers.” we're keeping notes and generating theories. we're finding evidence and identifying assumptions. we'd hire an attorney, but we're both pretty convinced that teaching the lsat qualifies us to practice law ourselves.

the truth is that once anal-retentive, always anal-retentive. and it only takes one perfectionist to remind another how it goes.