i learned last week that when you type in "daniela rodriguez" into the google search bar and hit the "i'm feeling lucky" button, this site comes up.

actually, if you type in "daniela rodriguez" and hit the "i'm desperate and need to get lucky" button, i come up too.

(don't lie. you know you google yourself too.)

of all the daniela rodriquezes in the world, i am the prevailing one! in fact, of the first five sites that come up, four of them are about me. that means that not only am i the dominant daniela rodriguez, but my accomplishments constitute 80% of all the top daniela rodriguezes in the world. in a search of daniela rodriguez, even downstairs amy's blog comes up as number 20.

:: insert evil laugh here ::

it was a profoundly exciting moment for me.

until it became a profoundly terrifying moment.

if someone wanted to learn about me -- without knowing me -- they would find the following: 1) the creation of this deeply self-deprecating website; 2) my presidency of the jewish student union; 3) my job description; and 4) that article that outlines an israel advocacy campaign i created on campus where we handed out condoms that read: "israel, it's still safe to come!" (with a picture of me wearing a condom shirt next to the university chancellor.)

ummmmmmm

holy crap.

while promoting this website has been my obsession for the last four months, it took becoming number one to realize that this sort of visibility comes with an overwhelming amount of responsibility. anyone - my former and future bosses, coworkers, professors, and grad school admissions staff - has an immediate insight into who i am and what i have to say about them.

would it helped if i posted my resume?

don't get me wrong: i have no regrets. but we have all been in situations where we have said something just a little too loud.

if i was smart, i'd keep my mouth shut.

if i was smart, i'd write really nice things about everyone i don't really like.

if i was smart, i'd have actually already written and published my book so that this website would only serve to enhance the subject matter and give timely materials to devoted readers and fans.

and it's not that i'm not smart (i am). it's that i'm stubborn (and the book is taking a little bit longer with 30 graduate school applications).

and really, i'm just saying what you are all thinking.

too often, we are faced with decision between expressing ourselves and saying what someone else wants to hear. too often, we choose to remain silent, to parrot our elders, and to say one thing when we want to say something else. and perhaps too often, we continue blabbing when we really should shut up.

i suppose that making this decision is part of growing up.so what do i do?

maybe i should tone it down.

just a little.

bi - atches.

google that.