late last week, i was sitting down with my heroes at the consulting firm i conspire with at work to discuss the execution of our ever-changing, ever-failing, ever-sucking communications strategy.

when we were finished, one of the associates and i were hanging out, killing time before we were forced to do anything resembling work on a friday.

"do you think you'll always do communications?" she asked.

"not sure," i said. “doubtful, actually. why?"

"because you're good at what you do," she replied.

my heart fluttered the way it does when a gorgeous guy looks my way. the way it flutters when someone tells me i look like some beautiful movie star that bears no resemblance to me whateversoever. the way it flutters when i see a sale at abercrombie.

really? really? do you really mean that? i wanted to ask. instead, of course, i played it cool. "well thanks," i said. "i guess i'll see what happens."

despite my bitching, complaining, kicking and screaming, i do have a great job for someone my age. but don’t ever ask me to admit it (again). it's a position for which i am way under-qualified and not nearly experienced enough to do. but they needed a communications associate. no wait, they needed an entire communications department. they probably couldn't afford someone legit; so instead, they got me.

suckers.

either they were strapped for cash or i overinflated my abilities; i guess the 200-page, colorcoded portfolio with opeds, press releases, media advisories, advertisements and published articles i’ve done was a little much.

many of my friends are doing what, by all reasonable standards, i should be doing too. afterall, these days, a college degree gets you jobs that you probably could have done straight out of high school. like answering the phone. or taking messages. or keeping someone-way-more-important-but-is-actually-a-moron's calendar. or getting lunch. or making copies and coffee.

you know, the jobs that are hardly worth the thousands or tens of thousands or in some cases, the hundreds of thousands, we paid for higher education. because guess what? i could do all those things before i paid a shit load of money to get an education.

i maintain that my head is worth close to $200,000 ... and i mean that in all senses.

and i don’t think it’s asking too much to be reasonably compensated for it.

but get this, at my current job, they pay me to look busy. and to tell them that the media is a closed entity/impossible to penetrate with news about social justice – thereby allowing me to ... not do my job. i’ve screwed up more here than i ever screwed up in school. and a whole lot more than i screwed up at my last job … it’s just that i was yelled at a whole lot more there.

but no way did i suspect i was actually doing an okay job. or that someone thought i was.

either that or it's some evil, deceiving plan being employed by higher-ups who are working hard to convince me to put in more effort by making me think that they think that i think they actually think i’m doing a good job.

and from my personal experience (minimal) and in my professional opinion (negligible), i have yet to come across anyone who has the time to implement such a plan ... and really, no one would work that hard.