(indeed this is tardy. but this is a much-needed continued reflection of last weekend that has escaped me. as deion said, "why don't you write about the people you actually like; not just the ones you tried to hide from.")

inevitably, every year at thanksgiving someone at the dinner table suggests the fanfuckingtastic idea of going around the table and everyone saying something that he or she is grateful for.

inevitably, the first person will always say something incredibly beautiful and meaningful.

and inevitably, the second or third person (usually me or one of my siblings) will say something totally obnoxious and everyone else is spared the reality of baring his/her soul. well, at least spared the reality of saying something pukey that he/she may or may not really mean.

despite the fact that at some point we all became adults (and i use that term loosely), it's still just as funny to be totally obnoxious when i'm with family and close friends.

and really. does that satisfaction ever diminish?

every year, for me, thanksgiving - and thanksgiving break - boils down to two things ... my family and my friends.

okay three: friends. family. and shopping. lots and lots of shopping. (just for the record, shopping in miami the friday after thanksgiving is a no lesser feat than winning survivor. and now that i think about it, i think i'd rather eat live grasshoppers than go into some stores during this annual madness.)

sure, high school reunions and catching up with old comrades can be fun (see previous blog entry), but nothing, nothing, beats lax calling deion short. or lax making fun of the way monk speaks. or lax telling matt fine he's slow. or lax not picking up the phone for anyone's call when he's angry. there is something so normal ... so expected ... that makes this bitterness the telltale sign of being home.

the last few rendezvous home have left me ... unsatisfied. i've been frustrated by the social and sexual dynamic between my friends. despite the fact that we all graduated from high school (well, most of us did anyway) five, six, seven plus years ago, our high school personalities reemerge in the presence of each other.

and i'm tired of being the sexually suggestive lone female in a group of a dozen doting guys.

oh wait. no i'm not.

yet this last trip home made me realize that despite our best efforts to never grow up, the dynamic among and between us has ... changed. fiances say, "what's up cat?" none of the new girlfriends are from miami. cheeks has been married for almost a year (well, actually just three months). law school friends are harder to argue with. business school friends are harder to talk to. and professional friends are harder to call after 10pm.

and while i'm not sure that the day-to-day bickering has decreased, the substantive relationships between us are definitely different. the friendships have changed. the hook ups have shifted. and the STDs are (fortunately) still under control.

i often wonder if what we have is unique. so, as a sociology researcher (read: blogger), i asked a bunch of people. downstairs amy from san diego assures me that she is still close with a crew from high school. kjc (the self-named kendall jew crew) appears to stay tight. but something about us - about the miami boys - is different.

because we're not just friends.

we're really family.

so i've decided that instead of being frustrated by the fact that my high school friends still treat me like i'm 16, i embrace it. and i've learned that sometimes it's okay to let go. to let go of adult responsibilities. to let go of graduate education. to let go of the daily grind (and the griding). to let go of all-consuming anal-retentiveness.

this thanksgiving, for me, something changed (besides the color of my highlights). i wasn't just grateful for the enemies i have been successful at hiding from, i was genuinely thankful for my friends. the ones i really like. and even the other ones. and my family. the family i really like. (but not the other ones.)

and above all, i was thankful that this year, no one in my family had the fanfuckingtastic idea of going around the table and suggesting that everyone say something that he or she is grateful for.

so instead, we made fun of each other. and everyone else.

and that's just the way i like it.