why is being twenty-four so friggen hard?

for the first time (since the last time), i am totally and completely overwhelmed freaking out want to throw up don't know what to do first can't breathe can't deal stressed. ugh.

i'm what i like to call: overfranxiosed.

overfranxiosed (n): 1. a feeling often described as a mixture between being overwhelmed, freaked out, anxious, and stressed -- all rolled into one ... and then put on steroids; 2. the state of being debbie.

now i know that making up words might seem a little infantile, but i assure you that wording and verbing is a standard praction in the twenty-first century. case in point: facebooking/friendstering someone before googling him/her.

and i don't want to play the "i have more to do than you do" (which, in college, became the "i'm more stressed than you" during finals and the "i'm more jewish than you" during the high holidays. just for the record, i usually won the "i'm involved in more activities than you" competition), but ...

i have more to do than you do.

well, knowing the general population of individuals who read my blog, i realize that this probably -- and almost certainly -- is not true.

i know this isn't a competition, but between finding an apartment, hiring a mover, getting a full physical, dealing with my financial aid forms, packing up my life, working until the days before i have to leave dc permanently (with a trip to a new orleans board meeting), unpacking my life once i arrive in boston -- while figuring out what to do with my cats for the three weeks i disappear from this country, and then getting back, going to my college roommate's wedding, and starting class six days later, i'm completely overfranxiosed.

and i'm having a melosion.

melosion (n): 1. a combination of symptoms associated with having a meltdown and an internal explosion at once; 2. a serious condition that usually results in spontaneous bouts of crying.

i suppose that everything i've done for the last two years four years twenty-four years of my life has been to get into a good grad school (or two). and now that i'm in, i'm not really sure what to do. i kind of lost sight of that while studying for the lsat for 6 months and the gmat for 7 months, and doing 24 applications over 8 months. i guess it means i actually have to go.

this past weekend, i had my first rendezvous with actually going-back-to-school. between you, me, and the untold number of people who still read this far less frequently updated blog, despite the overfranxiosness, i'm a little bit excited to start being an academic again: it's really the only thing that i've ever been really good at in life. any of my coworkers -- many of whom have finally confessed to reading twentynothing -- can assure you of that (or at least confirm that being a communications associate is not).

yet before stepping on campus this fall (someone should send harvard a memo explaining that august 13 is not the fall), all incoming student have to finish four online courses -- three of which are slated to take between 30-40 hours each.

ummm ... @#!$^%&*.

with this level of overfranxiosness, i cannot even imagine what i'll do when i'm harvarding.

harvarding (gerund) from the verb to harvard: 1. the feeling of prolonged inadequacy and stupidity while surrounded by individuals far smarter, talented, and accomplished than oneself; 2. shying away from the question, "so where are you going to school next year?"

for better or worse, the third definition: "3. the act of plagiarizing a book" does not apply to me. yet.