as i sat home this evening because one unnamed feline ate an unnamed object and subsequently required the supervision of one unnamed business student, i've been thinking about the professional lessons gleaned over the last two weeks of "pre-school for b-school" (a prerequisite business bootcamp for those of us who didn't snort coke and crunch numbers -- in that order -- as investment bankers).

and i've come to the conclusion that -- so far -- my favorite thing about harvard is that just when you're prepared for some snotty, superficial, and demeaning comment, someone says something deeply meaningful. undoubtedly consequential. and surprisingly profound.

granted, none of those things come out of my mouth.**

(**for some of the non-meaningful, consequential, or profound comments that have come out of my mouth during class discussion, see "funny im" sidebar.**)

albeit -- inevitably -- whatever magic imparted by profoundness is often followed by previously mentioned snotty, superficial, and demeaning comment. that's where i come in. i mean if no one here is going to address the prestigious stereotype associated with our educational institution, then i'm making it my hobby to challenge the notion of its existence.

that said, here's is a short list of some of the meaningful, consequential, and profound truths and the snotty, superficial, and demeaning anti-truths that have thus far defined my harvard business school experience:

1. "accounting is like ironing. it's the hobby for the anal-retentive."
now any of my friends, family, or former colleagues could tell you that color-coding my planner, scheduling my projects at work into fifteen minute intervals, and cleaning my apartment every morning with a dust-buster are all indications that i am -- by all definitions -- anal-retentive. but i've got nothing on accounting: with a process that requires double-entry booking, small lists of numbers divided into over a dozen categories, and precise labeling, i have decided that accounting is one of the most boring, superficial, and redundant disciplines. matched only by ironing.

when i nearly failed calculus freshman year of college, i made a firm commitment that i would never, ever become a mathematician. let the record state here and now that i will never, ever become an accountant. sorry professor piper: we both know i just don't have it in me -- and my career profile supports my case against it. but i sincerely appreciate your unyielding confidence.

2. "the hardest thing about finance is that ... it's not about you."
not about me? i got called into my professor's office for intervention and a self-esteem pep talk and then you tell me that this crap isn't about me? isn't this harvard, where everything is supposed to me about me? what? did i accidentally wind up at public policy school?

3. "financial gain at harvard doesn't mean 'i want to make money.' that's 'security.' here, that means 'i want to make A LOT of money.'"

and

"i actually consult for consulting groups. which is about as far as you can get from actually doing any real work."
both those came from the career counselor. which gives me hope. and fear.


4. "you are what you eat."
if there ever was a more harvard-eque statement, i don't know what it would be. all i know is that despite my efforts to challenge the stereotype that comes with being a harvard kid, i totally pulled a harvard (to pull a harvard: the act of perpetuating one of the arrogant, selfish, or competitive stereotypes that exist about harvard kids) one night last week.

here's how it went down: so teaching for a test-prep company has imbued me with a sense of patience, an appreciation for the student-teacher relationship, and most importantly, a handful of dry-eraser markers -- a true commodity here at business school (whereas, for example, mercedes are not). i am very protective of these markers, and when a peer asked me last week to borrow one for her study group, i inadvertently gave her my death stare and then lied and said i didn't have any. you are what you eat, afterall.

although in my case, i'm what eats me. figuratively, of course. as for what literally eats me ...

5. harvard business school isn't about money; it's about the difference you make in this world.
harvard business school isn't about arrogance; it's about humility.
harvard business school isn't about power; it's about change.
harvard business school isn't about you; it's about the others around you and the millions of people you will affect once you leave this place.
... and if this last piece of wisdom holds an ounce of truth, then maybe -- just maybe -- i'm in the right place.