if i were a balance sheet, i'd be a current tangible asset.

albeit a liability to some. and intangible to most.

what has become abundantly clear is that this business school humor isn't going to cut it. we can only hope, for this blog's sake, that there will be enough nerdy and absurdly competitive of students to make fun of.

sigh.

i've been accused of not being in the mood before ... which is the only excuse i can give for the fact that i have had nothing substantial to say in over a week (and admittedly nothing witty or funny to say in about six months).

but in addition to the convention i chaperoned this past weekend (think: 23 teenage girls in a 12 x 12 room and 14 straight hours of high school seniors talking and sobbing about their last four years in youth group), i'm fighting the business school module* beast. (now that i'm using the last of my "sick days" to take fridays off until i'm done, however, my boss knows this phenomenon as the "module flu.")

*module: online courses and tests to be completed before starting business school in the fall (and by fall, i mean summer).

allow me to share harvard's "frequently asked questions" about previously said modules:

How long will it take me to do the modules?
Each of the Accounting, Finance, and Quantitative Analysis modules takes approximately 40-60 hours to complete. The Information Technology Concepts Module takes up to 10 hours.

How do I complete each module?
You complete each module by receiving a passing score on a pre- or post-test.

How many chances do I have to pass the tests?
One chance per test. Before taking any test, review any sections of the module that you are unsure about.

What happens if I don't pass the post-tests?
If you have taken both, but do not pass either of the post-tests, it means that you have not mastered the concepts necessary for your first two terms. Please contact Student & Academic Services immediately.


we clear now? i'll think of something obnoxious (and maybe even witty) to say about the world just as soon as i'm done slaying the module beast with my ritalin sword and xanax shield.

why is being twenty-four so friggen hard?

for the first time (since the last time), i am totally and completely overwhelmed freaking out want to throw up don't know what to do first can't breathe can't deal stressed. ugh.

i'm what i like to call: overfranxiosed.

overfranxiosed (n): 1. a feeling often described as a mixture between being overwhelmed, freaked out, anxious, and stressed -- all rolled into one ... and then put on steroids; 2. the state of being debbie.

now i know that making up words might seem a little infantile, but i assure you that wording and verbing is a standard praction in the twenty-first century. case in point: facebooking/friendstering someone before googling him/her.

and i don't want to play the "i have more to do than you do" (which, in college, became the "i'm more stressed than you" during finals and the "i'm more jewish than you" during the high holidays. just for the record, i usually won the "i'm involved in more activities than you" competition), but ...

i have more to do than you do.

well, knowing the general population of individuals who read my blog, i realize that this probably -- and almost certainly -- is not true.

i know this isn't a competition, but between finding an apartment, hiring a mover, getting a full physical, dealing with my financial aid forms, packing up my life, working until the days before i have to leave dc permanently (with a trip to a new orleans board meeting), unpacking my life once i arrive in boston -- while figuring out what to do with my cats for the three weeks i disappear from this country, and then getting back, going to my college roommate's wedding, and starting class six days later, i'm completely overfranxiosed.

and i'm having a melosion.

melosion (n): 1. a combination of symptoms associated with having a meltdown and an internal explosion at once; 2. a serious condition that usually results in spontaneous bouts of crying.

i suppose that everything i've done for the last two years four years twenty-four years of my life has been to get into a good grad school (or two). and now that i'm in, i'm not really sure what to do. i kind of lost sight of that while studying for the lsat for 6 months and the gmat for 7 months, and doing 24 applications over 8 months. i guess it means i actually have to go.

this past weekend, i had my first rendezvous with actually going-back-to-school. between you, me, and the untold number of people who still read this far less frequently updated blog, despite the overfranxiosness, i'm a little bit excited to start being an academic again: it's really the only thing that i've ever been really good at in life. any of my coworkers -- many of whom have finally confessed to reading twentynothing -- can assure you of that (or at least confirm that being a communications associate is not).

yet before stepping on campus this fall (someone should send harvard a memo explaining that august 13 is not the fall), all incoming student have to finish four online courses -- three of which are slated to take between 30-40 hours each.

ummm ... @#!$^%&*.

with this level of overfranxiosness, i cannot even imagine what i'll do when i'm harvarding.

harvarding (gerund) from the verb to harvard: 1. the feeling of prolonged inadequacy and stupidity while surrounded by individuals far smarter, talented, and accomplished than oneself; 2. shying away from the question, "so where are you going to school next year?"

for better or worse, the third definition: "3. the act of plagiarizing a book" does not apply to me. yet.

unlike president palmer (from my favorite-ever-show 24), who is now allstate's spokesman, i never sell out.

unless it's for a good reason. (and allstate isn't a good reason.)

but breasts are.
















A note from the two ladies pictured above:

In July, the two intrepid young women pictured above will spend the first solid chunk of time they've had together in years. The inspiration is the Avon Breast Cancer Two-Day Walk in San Francisco--a cause that hits us, cousins, close to home. Breast cancer runs in our family, but that family also has a very lucky record of survival, paying only the relatively small cost of chemotherapy, radiation and lumpectomy.

But we realize our luck. And we realize that the family members who have had cancer have also been those who have had health insurance--a factor that exponentially increases one's chances of survival, both due to early detection (through regular, low-cost checkups) and access to treatment.

Nearly 46 million Americans are uninsured. Eight in ten of those are from working families. That could easily be our families. It could very easily be yours.

One way to help the women who can't afford treatment is to make sure that solutions are developed that make sure that the cure (and indeed, the prevention) is more streamlined, more effective and less costly. The Avon Foundation works to improve breast cancer treatment--letting women get back to their families, to their work and to their lives with minimal interruption.

Join us as we celebrate our family's cancer survival stories. Contribute to our goal of raising $3,600 for The Avon Foundation. We'll walk 38 miles over two days in your name--and the names of those close to you who have been affected by this devestating--but someday preventable--disease.

Love, Amy and Shannon

to support downstairs-amy and her cuz, visit their online donation page.

for everyone who is not fortunate enough to personally know downstairs-amy and still donates to her walk, let me know and up-to-a-yet-undetermined-amount (common dudes, i'm about to be on a student budget for the next four years), i'll match your donation.

consider that a challange. lest you forget, i'm competitive.

last sunday, as eric and i (in the company of "friends" dena and eric) were heading home from the national's baseball game, we passed gallaudet university, the only institution of higher learning for deaf and hard-of-hearing students. in case you haven't heard the news (this comment is by no means an indication that i question your intelligence; rather this is a crafty attempt to fill in my siblings who read my blog in lieu of reading the news), gallaudet students have been protesting the appointment of a new president for their school because, well ... she isn't deaf enough.

as a jewish latina female, i get discrimination. isn't it a little hypocritical for those often discriminated against to discriminate against someone for not being as discriminated against as she could be?

good going, dr. fernandes. way to have a husband and kids who can hear.

anyway, as we drove past the front yard of gallaudet, we saw the camps of protest set up. the security. the students. the signs. the largest of which read:

"honk if you like social justice."

ummm, isn't honking to show your support a little ironic?

but it is my job to like social justice. so we honked anyway.

and flashed our headlights too. just in case.

twelve weeks after the rockstar-nerd-tour began, last weekend's rendezvous brought the finale of the debbie-does-national-tour. seven states, nine trips, two weddings, four schools (and a partridge in a pear tree) later, i am exhausted: physically, emotionally, and ethically.

now that i think about it, i'm not really sure if i have something -- anything -- profound to report from all my traveling. which i guess is a big disappointment.

but i've become used to being a big disappointment. and it hasn't stopped me yet.

i've also become used to the fact that i'm not a poet. but that's never stopped me from writing limericks either ...


while i dreamed of new york city
nyu law admissions took no pity
the rejection was read
guess i'll go to harvard instead
can i appeal to another committee?

most assume that cambridge is bliss
(gay law students now can enlist)
i'm not sure what you've heard
but harvard's got a few nerds
did i shave my legs for this?

two wonderful friends ran the course
sharing in their joy was hardly remorse
i'll forever be disparaged
by the institution of marriage
i suppose that's why there's divorce. (just kidding.)

albeit a last minute pick of a dress
in order to keep the situation "abreast"
without much "support"
i'm a competitive sort
and i won the cleavage contest.

the prep work is disconcerting
business school is already perverting
i don't get how people find romance
in accounting, excel, and finance
i do hope they give degrees in flirting.

growing up, i've got more to do
the future nears; the past i cling to
seeing good friends from back in my day
remind me that i've actually come a long way
... and yet i still wound up in the zoo*.


(*but the panda was totally cute.)