dear friends,

there will be a lot of changes to twenty-nothing in the next few days. because of internship recruiting, i will be going into hiding under a different name. it's not that i am ashamed of anything i've said or written; it's just that i don't want interviewers to focus on my cleavage.

my other domain will move to something way more professional (who knows what); my blog can continue to be found at twenty-nothing.com

lots of material to come; i've turned manic.

xoxo,
DBR

(thanks james)

despite my solemn swear to take a grounded, sarcastic approach to business school, harvard is depreciating my best asset: cleavage humor.

given my lack of actual experience in the real business world, i've spent the last few weeks struggling to find a meaningful way to connect with the new information i'm apparently supposed to absorb during my time here. in the face of uncertainty, i've started doing what i do best: take everything completely out of context and, whenever possible, create a sexual pneumonic device (and every single girl should own at least one of those).

the over-achieving, over-extended, over-worked, and under-slept people with whom i interact at business school can vouch for the fact that i don't really understand the concepts we plow through on a daily -- and nightly -- basis (and admittedly they're mostly right). so section-c, lt3, learning team 25, and harvard street 356a, this is for you.

debbie's guide to depreciating business school:

• it is important to have a position. a favorite position.
  

• materialism is an essential principle in accounting. and it is not by coincidence that materialism -- and superficiality, acquisitiveness, and avarice -- are specialties of mine.

• conservatism isn't just a sect of judaism.

• there are four important Ps in marketing. but really only two important ones in bed.

• the little debbie (snackcake) law has nothing to do with wip and output rate; the little debbie law involves whips and the rate at which i put out. (not mutually exclusive.)

• i do not currently have a lease on life. and even if i did, it probably wouldn't be on my balance sheet (capitalized). because this place has no balance.

• it is important sometimes to be in control and call the shots. and sometimes it is okay to roll over and go to sleep.

• men (inventories) in my life aren't lifo (last-in-first-out) or fifo (first-in-first-out); but rather, aiao (all-in-all-out).

• idle time ruins efficiency. and sex.

• it's not really correct to depreciate intangible assets. but you best appreciate we tangible ones.

• when building circuit boards, remember that the size of your wire counts, stripping off enough is key, placing your piece in the right hole is important, and it won't turn on if you don't push it in hard enough.

• if you can't be a baker scholar (i.e. cum laude), you might as well be a scholar who bakes and cums loudly.
  

• most importantly: it' all about sustainability. and flexibility. and being willing to try new things.
  

but the question remains, what is the net present value of dropping out of school?

it's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.

during my time as a profakesional, i gave up drinking (didn't have time for it); i gave up color-coded organization (didn't have a need for it); and i gave up religion (didn't have time or a need for it).

but today is a day in the jewish calendar that is perhaps one of the most important holidays because it is the day of repentance for the jews. to get the full effect of repentance, they make us give up our most valued sustenance: money food.

and despite the fact that i gave up religion, i'm fasting. i guess because it's tradition. and i like tradition.

but what is deeply frustrating is that the self-appointed sages didn't take into account those of us who might need more than 25 hours to be sorry for all the shit we did over the last year. so i'm thinking of repenting once a week (according to my consultant-friends, immediate feedback is more effective). but i think that's called catholicism (confession, right?).

i didn't grow up uber-religious. i joined a jewish youth group in high school, and it was all downhill from there. the thing about youth group is that it provides an informal education for teenagers -- one that doesn't come from a classroom. it taught me about planning programs. it taught me about being a leader. it taught me about speaking confidently in public. and most notably, it taught me all about oral sex.

when i graduated high school, i naturally fell into jewish life on my college campus too. the skills i learned in high school youth group came in handy during college. all of them.

except that unlike my peripherally jewish friends from high school, my jewish friends in college were actually, really jewish. like they didn't eat pork, they went to services, and they didn't go out on friday nights. in fact, by the time i graduated, i knew 9 kids who were pre-rab (which is kind of like pre-med or pre-law, except they were pre-rabbinical school).

so i became jewish too. in fact, my grandma became convinced that i was going to become a rabbi; no doubt there is a singe of disappointed by my jd/mba pursuit. besides, in my family, a fetus only becomes a legitimate person when it graduates from medical school ... so i was going to be a failure either way.

but for some reason when i graduated college and moved to DC, the same prescriptions just didn't work without the group of friends from college. so i dropped the jewish thing. mostly. it just didn't seem to tie me to anything anymore: it didn't connect me to a group of friends, or a sense of belonging, or a community. it didn't connect me to great oral sex either.

so what's the point?

i think that questioning religion is a hallmark of the twenty-something experience. i'm not looking for something else, i just need some space. but what is absolutely amazing to me is how the twenty-something norms transcend into the established ancient pillars of religion.

part of the gig on yom kippur is asking for forgiveness from those whom you think you may have hurt. so the day is as much about the individual in the solitude of sin, confession, and hypoglycemia (low blood sugar) as it is about community. but asking for forgiveness is a profoundly difficult endeavor. it is also desperately time-consuming -- particularly for those of us previously-mentioned over-achieving sinners.

so it is no surprise that today i have received four mass emails, three blast text messages, and two facebook notes that all essentially read: "i am sorry if i did anything this past year to offend you or cause you any pain."

ummmm ... does that really count?! (because if that's cool with you, g-d, i'd rather do that than make everyone else fear the wrath of my bitchiness that i inevitably get from low blood sugar from fasting.)

dear friends, colleagues, and plebeians. i forgive you for being an asshole and, most importantly, i forgive your impersonal request for forgiveness.

by the way, i'd like to one-up you. (because that's what we do in business school.)

i'd like to use this "witty and heartwarming" (thanks, oprah) public communication forum to ask for forgiveness from those of you i don't even know who read my blog. and forgiveness from those of you who do not admit that you actually read my whole-hearted sporadic bloggy confessions.

and for those of you who are essential to my life, well ... you should probably just expect that i'll offend you next year too.