bad news kids.

erica, the far better far smarter and way hotter rodriguez sister, is off the market. the legal market, anyway; there is probably still an opportunity to grab a breast on the black market.

after all the fighting and planning and fighting and worrying and fighting and brouhaha (did i mention fighting?), it's over. i remember the feeling of post-partum-depression after cheeks' wedding back in 2005. but this depression is far more pronounced.

i mean, if you think about it, once the drunkenness wore off, all i was left with was a champagne hangover, another sibling to support when i become wealthy, and some pictorial evidence of how nice i could look if i actually gave a shit.

on the other hand, i did also come away with a few foggy memories of a vodka slide, a pair of semi-permanent eyelash extensions, and some pictorial evidence of how cute i look with my drunk fingers inappropriately inserted into a wedding cake.

and well, were i famous, let's just say there would probably be some completely unfortunate pictures of me next to a bald-smoking-and-probably-preggers-britney in next week's US-weekly magazine. but i assure you i'm not bald or smoking in my blackmail pictures. let's just hope i'm not pregnant either.

but, dear sister, true to my promise: i kept my dress on! (much to the dismay of the groomsmen.)

as i reminisce about all the events leading up to the wedding -- a bridal shower, a bachelorette party, a rehearsal dinner, and a marriage ceremony -- i have synthesized one very important observation: i wasn't sober at any of them.

who said marriage isn't fun?!

after the internal family drama, i have to admit that the weekend was actually fun. there is something deeply meaningful about seeing far-away family and friends. something profound about communally sharing a moment of life's great joy. and, of course, something unparalleled about doing a keg stand under a fountain of cascading chocolate.

the thing about my sister and me is that i'm happy to welcome her husband into the family as long as he doesn't interfere in my relationship with her. in the situation of the always-intimidating-and-ever-desired rodriguez sisters, we welcome with open arms all friends and relationships so long as 1) you don't come between us; 2) you don't fuck with our brother; and 3) you tell us how skinny we look no matter how much weight we've gained.

if you can follow those three simple rules, we're actually quite pleasant. if we feel like it.

sigh. when i think about my sister and her gorgeous wedding, it makes me nostalgic.

it also makes me want to elope.