last tuesday was a complete watershed moment for me.

i have spent the last nine months suppressing the competitive bear that is not only deeply engrained within me, but is also admittedly the biting edge that has gotten me to the widely acclaimed (but narrowly-minded) institution at which i find myself today.

when i started school last august, i quickly realized that this was not a place i could compete. well, at least not one where i could compete and win. and honestly, why compete if you can't even place?

so i surrendered.

yet unbeknownst to me, perhaps the biggest challenge i've struggled with this year is navigating the waters of complacency. when i waved my white flag of defeat, i also waved off part of that which makes me inherently ... me. (and the drive that gives me a competitive advantage in bed.)

89 of the smartest people in the world couldn't do it. 11 classes couldn't either. neither a psychologist, an academic advisor, some random hookups, or a TIVO.

but standing in front of 50 twinkies and 900 people could.

i got reluctantly peer-pressured into an eating contest for business school's let's-pretend-this-is-summer-camp-color-war but with the cut throat competitiveness that is hormone fed in the water fountains and sprinklers here at harvard.

this eating competition was a big deal for me despite the fact that i didn't want to do it. for me, i this was a public manifestation of my deep-seeded hatred of being judged for the fact that i'm a chick who orders cheeseburgers instead of salads.

and i'll call out the double-standard here: a guy shoving food into his mouth is impressive, but there is absolutely nothing sexy or attractive about a girl who can win an eating competition.

so a showed up with a fork and a knife in protest.

and did what i do best: underpromised and overdelivered.

the most constant feedback i receive is best captured by the following description i received earlier this year: "if [daniela] says she is going to make you dinner, it will be the best dinner of your life. if she's given a project -- whether it is a major initiative for work or the minor task of cleaning the living room -- the results will be beyond your wildest expectations. [daniela] does nothing in moderation."

i think that for my entire life, my strategy has always been to never let on to my uncompromising determination to exceed expectations -- particularly in cleavage contests.

the truth is that when i promised my section that i would aim to eat 10 twinkies (the over/under was 9), i had no doubt i could do more, but had told myself that less than a dozen was an appropriate amount for a women to eat.

but when the powers-that-be said "go," i threw away my womanly-appropriate self-control when i threw down the fork and knife.

the sound of "go" and standing before a task in which i could actually compete somehow stimulated the fire that makes me way more dynamic, way more fun, and way more confident in my lack of useful skills. the same fire that is probably what got me accepted here. and the same fire that i extinguished when i surrendered last august.

i have no false illusions that i can actually compete here at harvard. the reality is that i can't. but it was a watershed moment for me to remember what it feels like when i'm at my competitive best.

a memory, which for better or worse, cost me 3,000 calories, 90 grams of fat, and 5 rounds of vomitting.


... oh, you want to see it? it's gross, but don't say i didn't warn you: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sJWtIXYgApo