last year, when eric was a first-year law student -- lost to the outside world -- i chastised him for poor time-management. "when i'm a 1L," i told him, "i'll always make time for the things that matter."

i believe i had the same berating conversation with deb, deion, jisaacs, mike, uri, and cheeks. and maybe the other 12 people i know who have dared the path of self-deprecation, sleep deprivation, and self loathing (aka law school).

it is with the utmost sincerity that i say: i'm sorry.

i'm not saying i was wrong per se (on principle, i never admit to that), i would just like to amend my previous accusations. admittedly, it's not that i don't know how to manage time or get the work done. it's more like after 14-20 hours of reading and mental masturbation imposed on my unworthy brain, i kind of just want to avoid reality. and that usually involves a television, an oven, or a nap. or a rabbit.

for me, i think the change happened about a month into hating my new life as a 1L. in short, it's kind of like a train wreck: no matter how much you just *know* you should look away, you can't help it.

when i stop and think about it (although i try not to), my resentment of this experience is that law is serious. and, really, i am not a serious person. i'm a pancake kind of person.

indeed, law school -- grad school -- isn't a hobby for the faint-hearted. while some people here are able to shrug off the intensity, others are consumed by it -- and the rest of us vacillate between deep-seeded panic and admiration.

i'm not sure if it just took me a while to adjust from the real world implications that business school and my summer internship instilled within me. or if it was a meeting with a gracious business law professor who helped me to understand the difference between my experiences. or if it was the fact that the water at harvard law school is poisoned with doctor-hating legal isolation.

whatever it was, at some point, i resigned myself to a life of hypothetical situations, iterations of punishment for sex and death, and the overuse of the word "aforementioned."

while most of my peers here use every moment to buttress their future careers of power and prestige with studying and activities, i might be the only law student to come to class with a tray of mint-chocolate-chip brownies, knowledge of who got kicked off project runway, and having prepared for class using wikipedia, google, and a coloring book.

in exchange for destroying myself, 90% of my friendships, and my cuticles, i thought it would be worth sharing a quick list of things i've learned over the last few months in an effort to justify my departure from reality:

• if you hit someone, and he/she doesn't die immediately, back up.
• you can not be trusted to choose your own seat. therefore, you will be assigned one.
• when you don't know something, cover your stupidity with impenetrable, incomprehensible language.
• being greeted with good morning or good afternoon by superiors is a privilege not a right.
• worry about yourself first; others later.

but perhaps the most important thing i've learned over the last few months is that they can take away my dignity. and they can take away my pride. and they can take away every ounce of self confidence i've ever had.

but they can never, ever -- no matter what -- take away my cleavage.