it has recently come to my attention that i am a mile wide and an inch deep.

but enough about my \/@%|^@ ...

in thinking about how i'm going to waste my summer what meaningful internship i'm going to hold this summer, i'm flirting with the idea of going to a small tech company out in california that you've probably never heard of. quite honestly, there is something unexplainable that draws my breasts heart to silicon valley.

i realize i don't really know anyone in california except a few of my college friends' parents. i admit i don't know anything about california except that it has a lot of traffic. and honestly, i acknowledge that i don't know much about technology except how to blog and find porn on the internet (not mutually exclusive).

then again, i'm actually interested in the company, the industry, and the woman who would be my boss sounds amazing. besides, when else am i going to have an opportunity to go live in a random city that sports gorgeous weather, fantastic wine, and amazingly sexy guys for three months?

when it comes to new opportunities, i'm insatiable. i'm not sure if i crave conquering new cities and new talents or if i just have severe life-ADD: which either makes me a dictator or a prime case for ritalin.

now that i think about it, i've lived in four cities in the last seven years. i'm a licensed bartender and working towards my certificate in gemology. i'm looking into an esthetician license so i can start an eyelash extension business alongside my dream catering company. when my sister was unhappy with her bridal bouquet on her wedding day, this-impromptu-florist designed a flower arrangement that she ultimately loved. did i mention that i also edit videos, create photography slideshows, and am formally pursing two different graduate degrees?

it's no wonder i can't do anything right. i move from one thing to the next the way lindsey lohan changes hair color (three times last week alone). and it's not that i'm flippant about or unappreciative of any of my pursuits, it's just that i like to be good at whatever interests me.

while so many of my twenty-something peers comparably diversify their talent portfolios, i would argue that this sort of life-ADD is at least partially genetic. growing up, my brother's hobbies were as diverse as they were odd. he went from kayaking to rock climbing, model airplane flying to scuba diving, bmx mountain biking to model rocket building, guitar to sailing to salt-water fish tanks. my dad has been a doctor, a real estate investor, a bio-tissue bank entrepreneur, a vitamin company founder, and i think he worked on one of the first digital platforms for virtual supermarkets.

for us, life and hobbies and jobs aren't as much about the on-going experience as it is about mastering it. we love the chase. we love the learning. we love the catch. and then we get distrac...

right.

maybe i'm just waiting for something (or someone) to catch and hold my attention. applications are out and will be considered on a rolling basis. or maybe this is the way i'll always live my life and will require legal size business cards to list the alphabet of degrees and certificates after my name.

so while i'm still not 100% sure i'll take this summer internship, all i know is that if i spend the summer in silicon valley, i'm coming back with much bigger, perkier cleavage.

after all, i'll need to interview for an internship next summer too.

bad news kids.

erica, the far better far smarter and way hotter rodriguez sister, is off the market. the legal market, anyway; there is probably still an opportunity to grab a breast on the black market.

after all the fighting and planning and fighting and worrying and fighting and brouhaha (did i mention fighting?), it's over. i remember the feeling of post-partum-depression after cheeks' wedding back in 2005. but this depression is far more pronounced.

i mean, if you think about it, once the drunkenness wore off, all i was left with was a champagne hangover, another sibling to support when i become wealthy, and some pictorial evidence of how nice i could look if i actually gave a shit.

on the other hand, i did also come away with a few foggy memories of a vodka slide, a pair of semi-permanent eyelash extensions, and some pictorial evidence of how cute i look with my drunk fingers inappropriately inserted into a wedding cake.

and well, were i famous, let's just say there would probably be some completely unfortunate pictures of me next to a bald-smoking-and-probably-preggers-britney in next week's US-weekly magazine. but i assure you i'm not bald or smoking in my blackmail pictures. let's just hope i'm not pregnant either.

but, dear sister, true to my promise: i kept my dress on! (much to the dismay of the groomsmen.)

as i reminisce about all the events leading up to the wedding -- a bridal shower, a bachelorette party, a rehearsal dinner, and a marriage ceremony -- i have synthesized one very important observation: i wasn't sober at any of them.

who said marriage isn't fun?!

after the internal family drama, i have to admit that the weekend was actually fun. there is something deeply meaningful about seeing far-away family and friends. something profound about communally sharing a moment of life's great joy. and, of course, something unparalleled about doing a keg stand under a fountain of cascading chocolate.

the thing about my sister and me is that i'm happy to welcome her husband into the family as long as he doesn't interfere in my relationship with her. in the situation of the always-intimidating-and-ever-desired rodriguez sisters, we welcome with open arms all friends and relationships so long as 1) you don't come between us; 2) you don't fuck with our brother; and 3) you tell us how skinny we look no matter how much weight we've gained.

if you can follow those three simple rules, we're actually quite pleasant. if we feel like it.

sigh. when i think about my sister and her gorgeous wedding, it makes me nostalgic.

it also makes me want to elope.

some people divide their lives into chapters. after inspiration from one of my friends, gabby, i now plan to parse my life into "seasons." i mean, we talk about survivor and american idol and the real world in seasons and casts. season 1: the naked guy, kelly clarkson, and puck. right?

so, in thinking about the seasons of my life, i have series from miami, st. louis, dc, and now boston. and to be more exact, each city has its own set of casts.

during my rendezvous to DC last weekend, gabby mentioned that she's on "DC: season 4." which is great, but not quite as spectacular as seasons 2 and 3. (her words; not mine)

but in smelling the air of politics, soaking in the light of motorcades, and tasting warm cosi bread ends, i realized just how much i miss my own DC series -- and all 3 casts.

there is a movie called the neverending story II ... which is great, but not quite as spectacular as the original. anyway, the premise is that the same book is never actually the same when reread. and it's not that the book has changed but rather that we have. and so our experience with the same material is inherently different.

i'd imagine it's kind of like sex with an ex significant other. which, for better and worse, i'm unfamiliar with.

i mean, i still receive my DC neighborhood listserv in my e-mail each day (and on good days, twice!) and communications from my cats' adoption shelter. i still read the washington post and check the changing menu of my favorite local restaurant. i ask about the developments at my former jobs and keep in touch with all of my bosses.

so as i rode the metro, ate at my favorite restaurants, and walked up 14th street, i realized how familiar everything felt.

but it just wasn't the same.

although i'd like to think so, i assume there wasn't some city-wide watershed when eric and i left DC. so i can only conclude that it's not that the city has changed, but rather that i have.

it did make me cognizant, however, of how serious the boston season of my life is. admittedly, some episodes of DC were slower than the fast-paced downward spiral of the current season, but at least it had love. and professional development. and, most importantly, cool license plates.

it also had far more people who were able to not take themselves so fucking seriously.

the thing about DC is that every meal inevitably turns into a discussion about politics. and cab rides are ridiculously expensive. and you come to the realization (and horror) that united states policy is actually written by twenty-somethings.

and there are always, always delays on the red line.

but there's also no other place you'd think nothing of seeing wolf blitzer (who i have secretly been in love with since 2004) walking through the train station. and no other place you'd think nothing of voting on burritos to accurately predict an election winner. and no other place where nonprofits undermine each other's success in a competition to save the world.

maybe that was just DC series, season 3.

perhaps it's just that the mold is always greener on the other side.

"i have a much better idea: just throw $50,000 into the ocean, give me another $50,000, and skip the law school piece. you'll still come out ahead." --JBI

(with artistic liberty from jon fitch)

ladies and gentlemen of the jury, if i were patient, i'd make this argument into a long-winded speech about the inadequacies of our dating systems, the failings of our generation's social-support networks, and the tragedy of being twenty-something.

but i am not patient. i can freely admit that.

patience is a virtue ... that i don't have. you've spent the last few months hearing me bitch day after day and sifting through endless vignettes of complaining. i've had enough of wavering in my decision to go to law school, and i can see by your weary eyes that you're tired of hearing my deliberations, too.

ladies and gentlemen of the jury, if i were brilliant, i'd deliver an eloquent, deftly delivered blog right now to let you know that i've made a choice in this life-changing decision.

but i am not brilliant. i can freely admit that.

if i were, i'd quote renowned judges, cite legal precedents, and spout latin phrases. hell, for most of my young adult life, i've been doing sudoku puzzles and crossword puzzles from the new york times and i haven't solved a fucking one. also, for the longest time, i thought "ipso facto" was a city in michigan.

ladies and gentlemen of the jury, if i were emotionally stable, this is where i'd recite a litany of reasons why not going to law school appeals to logic and the most basic common sense.

now that i'm seeing a therapist, i recognize that i am not emotionally stable. i can freely admit that.

as some of you may have guessed by the way i have been unnecessarily honest about my bouts of depression, anxiety attacks, and that which plagues my twenty-nothing soul, these last few months have been a difficult time for me. i now recognize that shrieking, "i'm not that desperate and you're not that lucky!" in the parking lot in front of spangler hall might have been somewhat off-putting.

ladies and gentlemen of the jury, if i were sober, i'd take this time to repudiate the bottle of wine i'm currently polishing off by myself.

but i am definitely not sober. i can freely admit that.

if i were, i'd be wearing underwear.

so, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, in conclusion, let me just say that although i am not a patient, brilliant, emotionally stable, or sober, i can freely admit that reese witherspoon was right when she said that law school is for people who are boring and ugly and serious. and although it is probably one of the most insanely idiotic things i have ever done and i will probably regret this choice for many many reasons, i have decided to go to law school. of the harvard flavor.

just thought you should know.

so who's up for a little pro boner?